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Ask Anne: Relationship AdviceAsk Anne:
Relationship Questions

Addicted, Immoral Husband

Mon, Sep 30th 2002

I am asking about whether this is due to clinical depression, past child abuse or just plain character flaw. My husband of 18 years has basically been getting worse with his immoral behavior and ended up having to get drug treatment for meth addiction. Prior to the drug use he drank a lot and hung out at bars as a musician. He has had past episodes of lust issues. Flirting, chatting online and even picking up a hooker. He also has shown bad behavior to me by acting as if I owe him something and actually blaming me for his drug use. "If we didn't have marital problems, this would not have happened". I know I am not to blame for any of the crap he's done or caused but he also has had an unfortunate childhood with the typical Cinderella syndrome step-mom & step brother & sister. Also, his father was abusing alcohol and biological mom was a total nut case and is now on heavy depression meds. He says that he did not know what a normal childhood really was. Is this acceptable as why he turned out so crappy? He is now starting to realize what has happened and is showing lots of remorse for his selfishness. I told him that I no longer trust him but I still feel like if he got counseling about his childhood, he might actually be better able to work out his problems. I have told him that I am not making any promises as far as our future together is and that I like him staying in a clean and sober house for at least 6 more months to one year. I am financially stable and care for our kids alone so I really don't need him for anything other than being their dad. Please help if you can.

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