Abuse

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Parent Abuse and My Resulting Disorders?

Ok... I don't want to be one of these people that tries to get some sort of sympathy for their current events. I know that some people have it worse than me, but, here's my scenario anyway.

When I was born my parents were never even dating in the first place. My mother left me with my grandparents when I was 3 and I didn't meet my father until I was 13. My childhood, while probably seeming bad to other people, was completely happy to me. My mother's boyfriend beat me into a coma and sexually abused me with his friends several times.

As I got older I struggled with depression and now, in my opinion, have it worse than I ever did. My grandmother, currently, is disabled. Nevertheless, she will call what few friends I have and tell them anything she thinks will repel them from me. Then, when they speak to me, they tell me everything she said and why they wont talk to me anymore. She tells me that she's trying to protect me. She manipulates my surroundings to make me do what she wants. She has not let me leave this house to even see a friend in almost 3 years. She shut off the hot water to our house because she said that I couldn't get clean no matter how much money I spent on hot water. She tells my grandfather that I abuse her so that he'll beat me. I haven't been out of my house in at least 4 months. I am told that spending 20 dollars on food for me a month is 19 dollars too much.

I don't know what to do anymore. She has done the cruelest things to me just because I don't bend over and do things her way. Like when she called my doctor and accused me of being a pedophile. When I asked her why she had done this, she said, "Well, you should have turned the light out last night when I told you to. That's what happens."

I have now been diagnosed with clinical depression and I think I'm sociopathic. I can't feel empathy or love for people anymore and I'm scared of the things I'd be capable of if I finally snapped. I suppose my question is: Am I just crazy like my grandmother tells everybody or, is this as wrong as it feels and what should I do?

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