Uncommunicative BoyfriendThu, Aug 1st 2002
My boyfriend is 25 years old and I'm 29. We have been together for more than two years as a couple, but we were close friends for a long time before that. we always have talked a lot about everything and laugh and dream. we only have had a recurrent fight -I start always-, I want we live together and he doesn't by now -this is Spain, a conservative country with a dictadure (sic) still as a heavy baggage-. I'm sure of his love, he insists in that he loves me and wants to marry me in its moment. He says he wants to have children with me. I've had previous couples, he hasn't. But he looks as if he is quite more confident and easygoing than me. And less hurted. He hasn't got intimacy with anybody else, is so shy and introverted that he even doesn't talk -about serious things, personal issues, feelings- with his family, that is big, charming, and comprehensive. They ask me about him, and I don't like to be the translator. Sometimes I feel very frustrated because I don't get him, I can't reach him out, and he doesn't say a word. And I see that he suffers, but I suffer too. I have to make a big drama and talk and talk and cry and ask... and sometimes, after a whole day I get some information, and then we talk about it normally, but at that time we both are exhausted. Til the next time. And now, what happens is that I'm clinically depressed because I'm unemployed -I had to leave a fulfilling job in TV because of mobbing-, and he doesn't know how to help me. Or I'm too demanding now and don't see he's helping me. And think he's getting depressed too. We haven't had an interesting talk in weeks. Sex is still great and sweet. We haven't laughed in weeks. He doesn't call me as often and never for saying I love you as always have done. I don't know. I've asked him and he says he doesn't know what happens to him, he just don't feel ok. I've asked him if it is about me and he says is not. I'm paranoid. I feel anxious and obsessed the most of the time, I don't know what to do. I want the good times back. I don't feel strong enough for making my boyfriend speak about him and his feelings. he insists that it is not me, maybe the job but he doesn't know, maybe that he doesn't have time for anything and I don't know. He doesn't know. He says he'd like to talk about it but can't. In Spain is not as easy going to any kind of therapy or counseling. Please, please help us.
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by 'Anne' to people submitting questions.
- 'Anne', Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. 'Anne' and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.