Not Ready For CommitmentTue, Nov 14th 2000
I'm 30 and have just experienced mature love for the first time but my heart is breaking. My 1 year relationship with a 40 year old man is in a strange transition. After a year, I told him I loved him and he put the brakes on. I was feeling as if I was putting more into the relationship than he was and emotionally I wasn't being fulfilled. He said he couldn't give me the commitment I wanted at this time (not talking marriage) Over the past year He invited me into his kids life/family life, which is very unusual for him as he is very protective of his family. He has been divorced for 3 years now and has 2 daughters. His previous marriage was a very verbally abusive on his wife's part. She was unsupportive for 10 years and continues to harass him about me, his life, etc. He tries to avoid conflict with her but it's difficult. I'm his first long term relationship since his divorce. We haven't seen each other for about 1 month, but he continues to call about 1x per week to see how my new job is going...but doesn't say anything about getting together. I talked to a counselor (who happens to be his also) about my situation and she said he has trust issues, but that I should be patient but I'm hurting so much and miss him terribly. I'm a very secure person with my "own" life and friends and have only been in 2 committed relationships in my life. Before meeting my most recent partner, I was single (dated occasionally) for 6 years. I believe he cares for me and don't think it is a lost cause but how long do you wait for someone you love and what do you do in the mean time....while they figure out their life. I'm nothing like his ex and he knows that. I don't put pressure on him, but at the point we're at now, I feel anytime I bring getting back together, he will feel pressure. I just really miss him. Thanks for your time.
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