Trust IssuesSat, Oct 14th 2000
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now. We both have a problem trusting each other and are constantly fighting. I have found messages from his female coworkers saying stuff like "hey sexy you have two hot and horny women waiting for you" also I have met four of his ex-girlfriends and his ex-wife because they are still poking in and out of his life. He lies to me a lot and recently I found he has been ordering porn on our cable on a monthly basis as well as on the internet. This bothers me a great deal because our sex life has been very unsatisfying. He has been turning me down more and more. When we do make love he usually stays behind me as if he doesn't want to look at me and a lot of the time he is unable to stay erect. I spent a lot of time consoling him that it was okay that it happens to lots of men. I was devastated to find he was doing the deed often, and without me. He begged me to forgive him and said he wouldn't do it anymore. I love him with everything I am and want to believe him but its so hard to trust him when he's lied so many times before. How can I help my insecurities so I don't drive him away as he does not like to be questioned and I cant seem to help it causing huge fights. What should I do?
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by 'Anne' to people submitting questions.
- 'Anne', Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. 'Anne' and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.