Ask Anne: Relationship Questions
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For the past 9 months I have been seeing a man who I thought was wonderful and who actually restored my faith in the male species. The past 9 months have been wonderful and he has treated me very much the way I want to be treated. During the entire 9 months, he stated over and over that we were just friends although we were sleeping together for at least the past 6 months and have spent virtually every day and night together. He has introduced me to his children, some of his family members and his ex-wife. He has also met my friends and family members. He wavered back and forth between "we're just friends" and making remarks that would indicate we're more than just friends, i.e. I discussed w/ him my feelings about wanting a committed relationship at which time he informed me that he didn't feel ready for that due to concentrating on getting his career/financial future in order and being ambivalent about relationships and love due to his recent divorce in November. At the same time he informed me that "giving you up is not an option" when I wanted to end the "friendship" because I felt I was in too deep and not getting what I really wanted which was a commitment. One week ago, after he returned from a trip to his home town, he informs me that he is "in love" and is planning to return to his hometown to commit to this person. I have mixed feelings of anger, sadness over the loss of a wonderful friendship and potential love, and betrayal. Am I wrong for feeling this way. After all, he did tell me from the beginning that he didn't want a committed relationship. I have been refusing to talk to him since he broke the news because I don't want to say the wrong things and make matters even worse. He wants to "talk" and continue to be friends. If I'm ever going to be "friends" again it certainly will be w/out the sex however, I don't know if I can just be friends w/ a man I had hoped would be the man I would spend the rest of my life with. Help! I need to know if I'm being immature or unfair in my view of this whole thing?

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