Ask Anne: Relationship Questions
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I have been seeing a man for almost two years. Initially he didn't want any commitment due to the fact that he was recently divorced. He didn't want any one to find out about me in case his ex-wife found out and she may have refused to let him see his son. He was fairly critical and didn't make me feel good about myself and our relationship. In the past 6 months he has started letting the people close to him know about me and has been a lot more caring. Before I met him he had a married female friend who he works with. She used to phone him at home fairly often and they would go to running races together over the weekends and spend time together. When I came on the scene she didn't phone him much anymore and they no longer went to races together because I was now going with him. From the start the vibe between his female friend and myself was strained. Just recently she asked him to start canoeing with her. They both didn't know how to canoe and had to learn together. I was never asked to go with and watch. When I did eventually ask I was made to feel as if I was intruding. And the two times that I did go his female friend criticised me. She said these things to him not to me. He then came and told me. Which I feel was incorrect. As he knows that there was tension between the two of us. From the start I have told him that I feel insecure and jealous about his friend hoping that he would help me feel okey and reassure me. He told me I shouldn't worry but when I went canoeing with them he basically ignored me. When we discuss the situation he pretty much defends his female friend. She doesn't want me to go canoeing with them because she wants to spend time alone with him. Which I find strange because she is only his friend why would she want to spend time with him alone? After all they do work together as it is. I feel that being his girlfriend he should stick up for me and make it clear to his female friend that I am now his girlfriend and that she should back off a bit. I have from the start admitted my insecurities regarding her but I feel that he has always felt the problem was mine and that I should deal with it. He is part of the problem because he isn't making it clear who is his friend and who is his girlfriend. I also feel that he blames me for the tension between me and his female friend. I am trying to cope with my feelings but sometimes don't always manage. I get into a mood where its easier for me to make cuts on my arm with a blade than to deal with my feelings. I sometimes feel as if he is making me insane. His previous wife was bulimic and suffered from depression and didn't like his female friend either. I'm wondering if he chooses a certain kind of woman who is insecure and sets out to break their soul or if the problem lies with the womans insecurities? He has told me that he likes me a lot and would like the relationship to work. I don't believe he would have an affair with his female friend but I believe that she is doing what she is doing to partially upset me. Her marriage is not made in heaven. In my previous two long term relationships I nevered suffered from these insecurities because I always felt special and loved. Any suggestions on how to cope with my feelings of jealousy and do you perhaps think I'm going insane? Your comments will be appreciated. Many thanks!

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