My Boyfriend The TyrantMon, Nov 15th 1999
I have been trying to get unbiased advice on this relationship for a long time now. Most people think I want them to say 'why are you still with him' and 'what a jerk' and so on. What I really am seeking is advice on how to work with the situation, as I want to stay with him. He and I met a few years back and fell for each other, despite his marriage. Back then, I had a brief affair that he found out about. Since then, he is not able to trust me, although I have tried reassuring him that it won't happen again. I told him everything about that affair, what happened, why it happened, and my feelings about it as well. He says he is over it, yet brings it up every time we get into a fight still. Also, whenever he does something I don't like, he gets very angry and defensive and uses that as a weapon, almost as though he should be able to do anything he wants since he stayed with me after what I did. Sometimes I just can't handle his anger at me. He accuses me of things that don't even happen, and when I talk to him calmly and sincerely, he still doesn't believe me. So many things are okay for him to do, but not for me (e.g.: talking to the opposite sex online or elsewhere). It's okay for him to try to call a woman he met online, but if I even chat with a man, he will not speak to me for days. He says it's because I have shown him the type of person I am...but he has shown me things too. I found out he called the Personals several times, and twice I had women he knew approach me with information on his overly flirtatious behavior. I think that he thinks his behavior is okay because of what I did, but it has been over two years since I had that affair, and so many things have changed! What can I do to get things running more smoothly?
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