Frustrated by Emotional DistanceTue, Aug 10th 1999
I am divorced for 5 years and have dated off and on (nothing that held my interest for any period of time). Until I met this man 5 months ago. We have spent a lot of time together and he is a wonderful person. We have a lot of fun and my children who just met him a month ago have really enjoyed him also. He is very honest with me and from the start made it clear to me that he wouldn't get emotionally involved and that I should know that he doesn't commit to anyone. Not to say that he is dating anyone else or sleeping around, he is with me all time. I know he also enjoys my company and at the same time I am not ready to totally commit, I enjoy my freedom, and I also choose to only spend time with him. He is the first man that has ever kept me interested for any length of time and I have not even considered being with any one else since I started seeing him. Both he and I come from emotionally abusive parents, but also was physically abused at a very young age. We both are not real affectionate which works out well. We both like affection just not a lot. I know that having a hard childhood effects the way you treat the one that you are with, but there is one thing that I don't understand about him and that is that he doenst like to kiss. He feels like it is to intimate. (So he says) I don't understand that if we can make love, and hug and hold each other, how can a kiss be more intimate. Does this possibly have something to do with his abuse as a child? Between the lack of wanting to commit to just being my boyfriend and the lack of wanting to kiss I have started to pull away in fear of getting hurt. Since I have started pulling away and kept some distance he is now being more affectionate and actually kissed me a few times. I am confused and frustrated. I am not happy with the situation as is but yet feel like I am falling in love with a man who could never love me back.
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