|Basic InformationMore InformationLatest NewsQuestions and Answers|Personality Disorder or Just a Horrible PersonHusband Sexting With a Mutual FriendAm I Controlling ?Commitment IssuesFound Out my Therapist Had a Disciplinary Action in the PastTrust IssueClassify My Mental DisorderProlonged Unemployment of Husband Long Distance College Relationship Does my Boyfriend Have Feelings For His Ex Wife?Married to a PsychopathBreaking UpTrust IssuesHow to Overcome Depression Caused when Boyfriend Ditched Me?New Boyfriend Lying About Belongings That Are His Ex Girlfriend'sShould I Stay or Should I Go?How Can I Help my Fiancé?Husband Continually Annoyed/Angry With MeRecent Loss of my Mother is Causing Problems... Lost in LimboNeed Help in Building the BridgesLack of Affection and IntimacyIs He Seeing Someone?Marriage QuestionResentment-Controlling Wife/Passive-Agressive HusbandHow To Get Over It?Am I Going Crazy?Can My Marriage Be Saved?Why Is He Doing This To Me?Am I Commitment-Phobic?Change of Heart After Parent's DeathDoes He Love Me?The Breakup.Should I Stay With a Lying Husband?What Happened?On and Off Relationship For Almost 10yrsJealous GirlfriendWill My Husband Ever Quit Abusing Narcotics?I Am Tired of MarriageNot Able to be Happy With my HusbandDo You Think We Can Work This Out?Is It Me or Him?Personality Disorder Symptoms??Morbid Jealousy?How Much is TOO Much Therapy?How to Handle an Employee Who Tells Obvious LiesAffection DeficitDelusional JealousyMy Boyfriend Still has his Ex-Girlfriend's PhotosEmotional Manipulator, Personality Disorder or Both?In Love With a Man Who Does Not Love MeBoyfriend's Daughter's Strange BehaviorI Have Been Rejected.Second MarriageNew Job New ChanceCrazy Mother In Law Ruining Our Mental Health and RelationshipI am a Newlywed and Need HelpLiarWhy Is He So Jealous, Even of My Own Brothers??Why my Emotional Relationships With Men Don't Last?What do you do When Your Partner Just Won't Understand or Change?The Marriage Corner: How Do We Get Through This?Preventing Unwarranted ConflictShould I be Worried?Should I Stay With My Girlfriend of 4 Years?My Boyfriend Saved a Picture of a Girl he Slept With in Case we Split up?Bipolar Girlfriend 55 Years OldIs He Changed???Lust or Love?Why Can't I Get Over It?My BoyfriendLlied to Me About His Ex.Missing My Ex-Boyfriend Terribly We Broke Up Because of His Mother.. I Had an Abortion. Having Suicidal ThoughtsAm I a Sociopath? Insecure DangerTrying to Reconnect With My ExWhat Is Intimacy, Exactly?Is She Ill?Why Does My Wife's Old Boyfriend Bother Me?Insanely Jealous HusbandHow do We Get Her to Accept Us as Part of The Family?Will my Boyfriend Eventually Hit me?I'm Cheated By My Girlfriend..... I Just Want to Die.....Can This Ever Change??Need AdviceI Think I Have Sexual Issue'sI Feel So Lost.Extreme JealousyScared and LonelyWhat Does he Have to Pay? And What Not?Sex Why do You Think my Boyfriend Left Our Relationship in This Manner?I Feel Like he Won't Ever Love me Like he Loves herHelp with a Histrionic FriendI am an 18 Year Old Mom Diagnosed With Severe Depression And AnxietyBoyfriend Still Acting Like a BachelorMiddle-Aged Female Never In LoveShe Doesn't Behave Like My Love Completes Her.Should I Be Hopeful That He Will Change His Mind About Divorce?Silent TreatmentI Want To Die!I Really Need Some Advice...How Can I Cope With My Husband´s Depression and Its Sexual Consequences?Am I Over Thinking This, or Am I Right?How Do I Handle This?Boyfriend My Husband is Too AffectionateWhat Should I do?Is it Really a Problem?Am I Not Normal!?Husband Abandoned MeBreaking up With Bipolar He's Distant. Is he Leaving me?My Boyfriend Saved Pictures of his Ex-Girlfriend on His Computer.Depression in College SeniorsMy Boyfriend and His Adult DaughterGuys Think I Am Too Much for Them to HandleWhy do Men Not Find Me Attractive?What Should I Do?RelationshipNever Been In a Serious RelationshipAm I Being Used?Sudden Separation After Loss of Father Am I In Danger?Does Being Drunk Bring Out the True Personality?VoicesHusband's Weight ProblemWhat to do?I Love Her, but I Want That Spark BackWhy do I Reject My Boyfriend's Son?Walking HomeIs She Mentally Ill?What To Do?How Can I Trust Again??My boyfriend is a SociopathWill I ever feel normal?Relationship Anxiety No romance after baby!Save my marriage!Sexual issues with husbandMy husband has left me for another woman. How do I let go?Help my son with his morbid jealous girlfriend, get him out.Anti social with accepting girlfriendRelationshipTransferenceDo you really ever 'Just Know' ? Anxiety In A RelationshipHow can I forgive my husband to save our marriage?How to deal with a pot smoker who uses it to cover mental problem - - Oct 23rd 2008how to ask if the pics are her?My husband has admitted he is an alcoholic...how do we healHow much guilt is normal?Unhappy MarriageTorn between two lovers, and scared of what I'll doTerminating Therapy after 17 yearsHelp with My HusbandNervous about nudityIs he crazy or am I?Boyfriend with APD - frustrated - Nelly - Jul 21st 2008Why does my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend have to be so involved in his life?Should I try to salvage this relationship?Dating a Psychologist and Feeling InferiorIs It Abuse? - Erin - Jun 24th, 2008Whyabuse survivorI never feel enough affection from my boyfriend. Am I obsessing? I think we got married for the wrong reasons.My partner of 6 years suddenly left with no explanation and has completely shut me and my kids out- EliseMy boyfriend doesn't seem to have gotten over his ex-girlfriendInsane JealousyBoyfriend's skeletons and friends' opinionsIs it my fault if my family falls apart after he cheats?Child jealous of moms relationship with her new husbandwife wants to seperate after 23 yrs.Husband in alcohol rehabMy ex-husband tells me he wants to be with me again but won't move out of his girlfriend's houseJealousy, Anger, Depression and Feardealing with demanding motherMy Wife is Depressed. Should I help her to Toughen Up or Just Be There for her?Engaged to be married but fighting. The wedding date has been canceled.Long Distance Relationship TrialsHe cheats on me. Is it my fault? So sick of this lying crap he puts on mewas this a contolling relationship, and why would I put up with it? Does my husband love his daughter more than me (his wife)?alcohlic husbandFeel like I'm trappeddating and the stigma of mental health.What\'s the matter?My girlfriend wants to stop being critical but doesn't know howFinally have a stable marriage, but having sex problemsA fighting coupleIt seems like I have to choose between my husband and my son!two intelligent adults who feel they don\'t have friendsShould I get involved?hard decisionMy OCPD husband can't tolerate my 'flaws'My Fiancee Can't Get Over His Late Wifewhat can i do?Just looking?Husband with erratic behaviorafter verbal abuseLoyalty or Love?Should I leave my husband?Very confusing relationshipDisbeliefwill my husband still love me after he comes out of major depression?Confronting A Marriage ProblemHow do I forgive and forget when my husband abandoned me?Other WomandivorceWho is my wife?How to move on with everything against you?The Catch 22 of Fear of AbandonmentLearning To Set Limitswhat am i afraid of?How to work out differencesAbusive relationship ever change?There are no guarantees when it comes to loveI compromised and gave inGoing through his thingsAdvice for my unhappily married friendHe's selfish, disrespectful and irresponsibleI have a crush on my husband's friendI cannot continue to live without affectionRegret my decision every single dayHe has hit me on a few occasions ...Lingering Feelings for my old affair partnerObsessed with the woman who is about to marry my exWife of 21 Years Has a BoyfriendHaving trouble letting go of ex-sister-in-lawI suspect that my husband is cheatingAbusive Older SisterExplaining Divorce To ChildrenWorking Mother Wants To Stay HomeAm I Just Deluding Myself?Attachment IssuesCraving AttentionEmbarrassed and Ashamed of My WeaknessShould I Just Be Alone For Now?Is Recovery Possible?Withdrawn WifeHusband Wants A DivorceBest Way To Deal With Verbal AbuseHelping My HusbandScared To Death NowDuty vs. FreedomGrieving All The TimeMarital Problems?Living With PTSDBosom BuddiesMaking ExcusesWhat Abuse Looks LikeAm I Wrong?Can You Help Me Save My Relationship?Marital StressOCD And a Lying HusbandHe'll Never Marry MeMs. DoubtfulBusted By A 5-Year-OldUnethical CounselorBad Health And A Bum HusbandMarriage ProblemsWhere Do I Go From Here?Frustrated and Sucked DryWhy Do I Provoke A Negative Attitude In Others?Depressed HusbandSerious ProblemsSlobby HusbandArranged MarriageRecognizing Verbal AbuseGrieving and CluelessMarital CrisisOne Side Of The StoryReader Comment #1Schizophrenia?Pornography # 2: Should I Go Or Should I Stay?Addicted, Immoral HusbandCan I Help My Wife With Depression?Online Gaming ProblemsFeels Like AdulteryJust Left My Abusive BoyfriendShould I Get Back Together With My Wife?Rites of Passage: Moving OnShe Won't Get HelpLost Person Struggling With Intimacy IssuesNo Compassion For DepressionAffair GuiltAlone TimeSeizures Interfering With LoveControlling HusbandHow Can I Help My Bipolar Wife?Affairs and Broken HeartsCan It Work?Dead-End MarriageSweetheart ObsessionWanting IntimacyDepressed HusbandAbusive WifeAdulterer's LamentRecovering LiarAlcoholic HusbandMarriage TroubleSpiraling HusbandCan't Make Someone Love YouCountering Type A With AssertivenessSuffering In The CountryUnhappy In An Arranged MarriageRocky RelationshipBipolar WifeSick HusbandInner RageDid My Husband Cheat?Married To A Control FreakScreaming And Cursing HusbandAbusive HusbandCar NutTorn Over ChildrenLong MarriedAbused WifeAlcoholic HusbandAffairBroken TrustI Want To Leave, But For The Children ...Dependent HusbandDepressed SpousePerfectionist HusbandIndependenceOffice CasanovaThe SecretaryNo Desire For Sex 1Some Short Ones First:Wanting That Magic BackControlling, Disabled HusbandMaxie the MoocherDrifting Apart?Is Divorce the Answer?Salvaging A MarriageExplosive AngerMental AbuseLying, Cheating HusbandMy Wife the PrisonerChaotic Family LifeLost TrustThe Grass is Always Greener...How can I save my marriage?Emotionally Abusive Marriage: What To Do?A Social MarriageCheating, Story No. 2,901Husband's Secretary Too Close?A VIOLENT MARRIAGESHOULD I BE AFRAID?Rocky MarriageRocky Marriage, Part IIThreatened by Suicide if I LeaveBa! Humbug! HusbandReconciliationFickle HusbandDoubting My Husband's SincerityI Can't Say No To My AffairMy Husband Lies To MeAttraction Outside the MarriageJekyll & HydeTrying To Save Our MarriageWhat Defines Marriage?Battling a Weight ProblemMy Snoring is Pushing Him AwayComing To Terms With Her AffairMarried for 2 MonthsMy Ex Is Moving On...Repeat OffenderDistantShe Wants to Have an AffairMy Wife's Past...He Says I'm Too EmotionalI Can't Let Go6 Years Is a Long TimeI Want to Leave My Husband for AnotherMommy's New BoyfriendBusy and WantingPre-Marital SexWorking it OutHe's Not HimselfSecret RendezvousI Can't Please My WifeJealous of My Fiance's FamilyMy Husband Refuses to Seek HelpI Can't TrustHonesty Isn't the Best PolicyDating My WifeAn Angry HusbandHe's So Angry...My Wife Wants Me to Leave...Unfaithful and UnhappyMy Wife and Her Sister...Hanging OnI'm Jealous of His ExMood SwingsDianne writes:Rob writes:Michelle writes:Parlante writes:Suzanne writes:bz writes:Carol-Ann writes:Laura writes:LinksBook Reviews
Will I ever feel normal?Mon, Feb 9th 2009
Hi, I am a 37 year old female. My entire life I have always felt like a misfit. My parents always made me feel stupid and insignificant because I was not a stellar straight-A student like my older siblings were. I was painfully shy and never had more than a handful of friends growing up. As an adolescent I became bulimic, but stopped when my father found out and screamed at me because of all the "money being flushed down the toilet." I went to college for one year and hated it because I had a lot of trouble making friends. I just felt like no one would want to hang around with me. I returned home and attended a community college and got my R.N.. I graduated nursing school and started working at a state hospital where I met my first husband, Henry, who was also an RN working there. Henry was 40 and I was 22 when we met. He had been married once before, no children, and lived alone in the house he had grown up in. Within a few months I moved in with him. At first he was very charming and swept me off of my feet. He bought me pretty much anything I wanted and made me feel very desirable. He had a good sense of humor and made me laugh a lot. But I soon saw the darker side of Henry; he had a terrible temper that could be set off by the weirdest, most petty things. He would scream at the top of his lungs about things that most people would brush aside. He claimed he hated God and hated "white people." I am white and so was he, so I could never understand his reverse racism. Henry collected things: jazz records, african art, exotic birds, dogs, anything that caught his fancy. I often felt I was just part of his collection. We lived in his house that was very big and old and located in a very wealthy neighborhood. This house was beautiful in it's heyday, but Henry had let it go to ramble and ruin. He never repaired anything and had left the furniture and appliances the way they had been since his parents had lived there. Henry's idea of fun was to sit around all day smoking weed and listening to his jazz records. I never enjoyed either of these activities and soon started isolating in the bedroom with a bottle of wine and my own dogs. Eventually I started to suggest to Henry that I was unhappy and wanted to end the marriage. Every time he would scream and escalate to the point of threatening suicide. To make a long story short, one night I went out with a co-worker and got very drunk. On the way home I decided that once and for all I was going to leave Henry no matter what it took. I made a very stupid decision to tell him that I had met someone else (I hadn't), just so that he would hate me enough to let me leave and proceed with a divorce. When I got home he was waiting up for me, and I told him about my alleged lover and that I was going to leave him. He got very upset and cried and said he was going to kill himself. I was still very drunk and just wanted to go to sleep. I told him we would talk about it in the morning. The last thing I remember is hearing him say goodbye to his dog and then the door shut. I woke up that next morning to find him dead in his truck;he had shot himself in the head. I was 28 and he was 46. My life has never been the same. For a long time I was overcome with guilt and grief. I had to continue to live in that big empty house for a year while I prepared it to sell. My parents and siblings would come over and help me, but at night I had to stay there alone because of all of the animals that needed to be cared for. I eventually sold everything I could and put the house on the market. The few friends I had before dropped out of my life, mainly because it was probably too weird for them to know how to act around me, and also because I stopped wanting to be around anyone. Most of the time I felt numb and had no idea what to say to anyone. Eventually I decided to date again and met a man I liked online. We dated for a year and then married in 2000. We live in a new house, I have changed careers, and on the surface it appears that I should be very happy. My current husband is very different from Henry and has been always been very understanding about my occasional depression. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for about 8 years and have been on many different anti-depressants. Currently I take Effexor and Adderall. I like my new career and work with a nice group of women, but I do not have any friends outside of my husband and dog. I always try to be very nice and agreeable to my co workers, and they seem to like me, but I am never invited anywhere with them, and any one on one conversation with any of them always feels very awkward and forced on my part. I just don't know how to reach out to anyone. I want friends but at the same time I don't want to get close to anyone. I am lonely, but I usually don't feel anything at all. I don't feel happy or sad, just flat most of the time. My relationships with my husband and parents and siblings have really gone downhill in the last few years, because most of the time I just don't care very much about anything. I feel like a lead blanket has been permanently draped over my soul and emotions. It keeps me from really connecting with anyone. The only thing I really care about and make an effort to take care of is my dog. He has been with me through all of this (he was a gift as a puppy from Henry on our last wedding anniversary). Please give me some advice; I am tired of just drifting through the days. It has been almost ten years since Henry's suicide, and although I don't miss him, I feel like he not only took his own life, but mine, too. Will I ever feel normal, and have the ability to make friends and connect with people emotionally?
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.