Depression: Depression & Related Conditions

Ask Dr. Schwartz
Ask Dr. Schwartz
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

Is There Hope For Me?

I have recently seperated from my partner of 19 years (her choice). We have been married for 12 years and throughout this time we have been in a cycle of arguing every couple of months about the same issues that never seemed to be resolved. We separated previously, in August 2009, and reconciled in October 2009. My sex drive is low and she would interpret this as a lack of interest in her and that she was unattractive. We had little communication about this issue until a couple of years ago and things improved. I was able to make her orgasm. But, my sex drive was still low and I could go weeks without the desire. I also developed some anxiety and performance issues around having sex and this again was taken as me rejecting her. Her behaviour to this was to treat me with the cold shoulder and this made my issue worse. I sought some treatment from my local Doctor who gave me Viagra but this does not work when you have little desire. I am also not a very affectionate man and would not want to spend time with her when she would treat me with the cold shoulder. Over time this increased as she became more frustrated with my lack of desire. I would buy her flowers and would get enjoyment from giving them to her but would not do this when she was angry with me as she would only say they were to get her back on my side and not just because I loved her. I realise that this relationship most likely cannot be saved but what hope is there for future relationships as I have tried to change but always fall back to the same old ways.

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