Depression: Depression & Related Conditions

Ask Dr. Schwartz
Ask Dr. Schwartz
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

Depression

Dear Dr. Schwartz,

Firstly, let me praise you for the great work you have been doing. Basically I am 33 years old. I was raped when I was 15 years old and, through the years, have tried to block this terrible event by taking illegal substances. Having stated the above, for many years I was in denial as I, too, have studied medicine and worked in A&E in a busy London hospital.

To the outside world - (example - my family my friends), I look and act normal. I left the medical industry and entered the hospitality industry.

I recently got pregnant with my long term boyfriend. However, sadly, it was growing in my Fallopian tube. I ended up having surgery to remove it. Prior to this I quit my then chosen drug - heroin, and was seeking some help from a psychologist.

The pregnancy was September. Since then I have started dabbling again with heroin and I feel very desperate. I am angry. I had an outburst and broke up with the man I loved dearly.

I feel like I am on a roller coaster. I seem to be stuck in 2 people: The nice me - the professional, beautiful, respectful one, and the drug-taking, angry, hormonal, suicidal girl.

Having dealt with my inner demons for so long, I can't believe I need anti depressants.

Please help point me in the right direction. I don't want to just end up taking "happy pills." I keep going around in circles. One day I'm happy, the next day, ready to kill myself. I cont know where to start. I feel like I have too many issues right at this moment: 1.) the rape. 2.) the recent pregnancy. 3.) breaking up with boyfriend.

There is no mental illness history in my family. No history of compulsive disorder.I don't smoke cigarettes and I don't drink.

Thank you for your time.

P.S. I now live in Greece and I feel like they are backwards here. I don't know where to start!!!

Thank you

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