Family & Relationship Issues

Ask Dr. Schwartz
Ask Dr. Schwartz
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

How do you turn your back on your 19 year old daughter?

I have a daughter who was date raped at the age of 15. We did not know until approximately 1 year later where we immediately got her help. She was cutting her self and started smoking pot. She saw a therapist for quite some time and then she decided she didn't want to go back. She has stopped cutting herself for about 1 year. During her high school years, she was hanging out with kids that we really disliked. In spite of it all she graduated with good grades and went off to college. We had her living on campus hoping she would find new friends and start a wonderful life leaving those behind. She chose a college which was about 1 hour away since we still wanted to keep in close contact with her. We found out she was coming back to our area hanging with those same friends, smoking pot and hanging with kids that were getting into all sorts of trouble. She failed all of her classes the first semester. After her first semester, she lost her scholarships and she got into a severe car accident as a passenger. We thought that would be the changing factor in her life since she was severely hurt. After medical treatment and taking off some time she wanted to go back to school. We found out she failed her second semester and was on academic probation where they suspended her for a semester so she moved back home. She found a job after 3 months of living here and does not want to go back to school . She started hanging with her old friends, smoking pot everyday and staying out all hours of the night. She does not help in the house nor does she care about anyone in this house. I told her she needs to move out by January 1st. I am afraid that she won't save money and she will remain here. I want her to leave now but she doesn't have anywhere to go. Do I just kick her out? I don't want to enable her any longer but I feel that we are. I am always the one in her face, my husband gets angry talking with her so he doesn't say anything. I don't know where to turn. I wanted her to go to a narcotics meeting for pot but she will not go. It has gotten out of hand. I don't blame her friends, I blame her for the choices she is making. She is wasting her life. I have begged her to stop hanging with these people for the last few years, but she chooses them over us knowing that she will not have us in her life. I never thought I would turn my back on my own child. We have two other children that are doing well but I feel bad for my other daughter who has to live with this dysfunction. Please help. I live in an area where we don't have many options for help. I am desperate for advice. I don't have anywhere to turn. Thank you, Desperate for help.

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