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Pregnant and Possibly Schizophrenic

Mon, Jul 24th 2006

I am twenty-five-years-old. I am also pregnant and believe to be schizophrenic. I ignored some of the signs. But I first discovered I had a problem in my mid-teens. I would hear voices(my own), and I just didn't understand it. I was okay for a little while. Then I had a re-lapse. I was sitting in a movie theater, feeling that a person on the screen was trying to "kiss me" or vice versa. It freaked me out. I was okay for a while longer. Then I had another re-lapse. I couldn't look at streets unless they were freshly paved, I couldn't move my head in certain directions. It almost felt like I was a puppet on a string. And watching television was extremely difficult. I was okay for a long while after that. Now I seem to be suffering again. I work as a hostess at a seafood restaurant. I often find myself becomming angry with the customers, thinking I want to bite their finger(s) off. I would never do it of course. My new thing is to try and find patterns in my thought process. When I don't find one(or when I think I've found one but something throws it off), I become uneasy. I am unable to experience pleasure, and I don't seem to be motivated. I have problems focusig on what I'm doing, I spend long periods of time alone. And, just the other day, I heard someone call my name. No one was there. What's wrong with me? Am I schizophrenic? I am seeing my social worker tomorrow. I don't want to tell her about any of this. I'm afraid she will put it in her files and my baby will be taken away from me when it's born.

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