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Mental Disorders

Ask Dr. SchwartzAsk Dr. Schwartz:
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

Why Does He Lie?

Sun, Oct 10th 2010

Hi Dr. Schwartz,

I am a 45 year old divorced woman. I recently ended a relationship with a man I dated for 8 months. It was "love at first sight."  We had been dating for 2 months when I took a vacation. we talked while I was on the trip and I thought we were very much in love.  However, when I returned home I found he had been viewing dating sights. When I confronted him, he responded that he was "bored" while I was away. He also said it meant nothing. 

I stayed with him but my gut instinct was to be more cautious and take things slower. I began to notice that he told lies very easily, such as, telling me that he had back surgery after he hurt is back. He also said that a car he was selling had NEVER been repaired when in fact it had been wrecked, etc.

I ended the relationship last week when he returned from a 2 week motorcycle trip that he took alone. He had previously mentioned an old girlfriend from college and I remembered her name. I thought it was somewhat odd that he mentioned her from time to time. Also, I thought it somewhat odd that someone would take a trip like that alone.  

My instinct told me that something was "not right." Then I found out that this old girlfriend lived in the same state he was visiting. I called the hotel where he was staying and asked if anyone by the woman's name was staying there? I was shocked when they transferred me to her!  She is a married woman, to the best of my knowledge. When he returned home I ended the relationship and I was accused of being paranoid and insecure. I would like your opinion on situations like this?

Thank You, Sad in WV

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