Personality Disorders

Ask Dr. Schwartz
Ask Dr. Schwartz
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

How do I Cope With a Parent Who is Trying to Ruin me?

My mother has always made it clear that she loves money more than anything else. Shortly after my parents separation, when I was 15, she ejected me and my siblings from the house and wiped out my parents' joint bank account and all the assets she could get her hands on. For the next 8 years, we did not have any communication with her. Foolishly, we, her children, began to speak to her again after she sent messages to us begging for forgiveness.

A couple of years of good relations have turned into a couple of sour years where ugly scenes have taken place and She has been trying to use her wealth to manipulate and bully us again. I have mostly been the focus of her attention since getting married and having a son.

Last year following a very uncomfortable visit to my house, she sent my son a parcel full of Christmas presents. But she didn't call to wish her own children a Merry Christmas, nor did she call to wish me a happy birthday or to ask about my current pregnancy. I know she has done this out of malice and is trying to provoke a reaction from me. As a result, I have decided that any attempts to have a relationship with this woman cause me more trauma than it's worth and I have stopped contacting her again. I want to focus on my own family life.

However, I discovered that she has been vilifying me to all of my relatives and, even to my brother who she still speaks to her on occasion. She tells all sorts of outrageous lies about me. And, even though I try to cut her out of my life, I cannot stop obsessing over every injustice she has perpetrated.

When I am alone in the shower or in the kitchen, I relive all of the horrendous incidents in my life, right down to the early ones. For a change, I want her to feel hurt and humiliated. I feel hurt and anger on a daily basis and I need to find a way to silence her voice.

I hope you can help.

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