Personality Disorders

Ask Dr. Dombeck
Ask Dr. Dombeck
Psychotherapy and Mental Health Questions

Protecting Children From Their Grandmother

My mother has borderline personality disorder. while growing up ,we went thru 5 stepfathers, all abusive towards us in the same ways, physically, mentally, sexualy. They all seemed to be psychopaths with horrible stories about things they did as kids etc. My mother seemed so unaware, we always thought she was so fragile and so sad. She has terrible angry outbursts over random things and lies so easily I am dumbfounded. I recently came to terms with the fact that she KNEW what was going on. She chose to ignore it. Why did we always have the need to protect Her? We were the children. She is very manipulative. Has alienated all but one of her 7 siblings and myself as well when I recently told her that I knew she knew. We moved 27 times as children as she went back and forth and from 1 man to another. once her husband made us watch as he buried 4 little puppies alive, he warned"don't you dig them up either!" as he walked away and we could still hear them wimpering benieth the ground. She claims to "not remember" these events, even after my sister confirmed them to her. She wants to live in lala land. Last year my oldest daughter gave birth by c-section following a car accident. my mom just showed up! "I'm here! To help with the baby!". At one point she took all the babies clothes off, then yelled at my daughter because the baby was naked and would get cold. She chased away all visitors and ended by going into a tirade against the new mom (with the stapled stomach) in front of my other younger children. I told her her behavior was inappropriate, she continued going on and off her meds w/o telling us(leading to almost psychotic behavior),and these paranoid outbusts. I told her she would have to go home. My q. is "NOW WHAT?" We need boundaries w/o abandoning her. She live in a diff. state, so that helps. Writing her the letter confronting her about my and my sister's childhood helped me finally get it out . The big question, why, why, why? But she just simply disowned me along with all her other relatives, then called one day as nothing had ever happened and it gives me a sick feeling inside to play this lala land game with her. My children don't need to be exposed to her explosive outbursts ever again, I know that.

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