Psychotherapy

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Ask Dr. Schwartz
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

How Can I Trust Again??

I recently started dating again after a bad breakup with my 28 year old boyfriend. We were on and off for three years. Everything was fine the first year and then he started distancing himself. He put everything before me: friends, work, family. He would tell me that he loved me and wanted to be with me, but his actions showed the opposite. I gave him so much space we hardly ever saw each other. He neglected me and our relationship, but would tell me over and over again that he loved me and wanted to be with me. I finally got to the point where all I did was fight with him every time I spoke with him. I tried not to fight with him but just couldn't hold-in the way I was feeling. I sounded like a broken record. I just don't understand why he would want to be together when we rarely saw each other anyway. It just didn't make sense to me, and all I did was spend my time talking to friends and family analyzing everything he said and did which only made it worse. Everybody had their opinions which confused me even more. My relationship with him made me depressed and lowered my self-esteem. I started to think he was just being cruel. Each time we got back together I thought maybe he had finally changed, but it ended up being worse. I realize now that maybe he just wasn't ready for a serious relationship but was just keeping me around for when he was ready and who knows when that would be. It still baffles me especially when he texts me to say he misses me (I will not text or talk to him ever again). I have finally been able to move on and am feeling much better. My problem now is I'm afraid to be hurt again and am afraid I'll be wasting my time on guys like my ex. How can I tell the difference? I'm interested in a guy that I have been on a few dates with, but he still talks to some of his ex-girl friends. He seems trustworthy, but I'm not really comfortable with the situation. Am I being insecure? Can a guy just be friends with an ex? Is it natural to feel this way or is it because of my previous relationship??

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