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Depression: Depression & Related Conditions

Ask Dr. Schwartz
Ask Dr. Schwartz
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

Insanely Jealous Husband

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and have two toddler boys. He is a wonderful father but has been unemployed and looking for work for some time now.

My husband has always showed some jealously and possessiveness but the intensity fluctuates and is now getting worse. He is obsessed about any relationships I had before I met him and thinks that I'm unfaithful to him, especially at work. I hold a pretty senior position at work and have to travel a lot. He usually calls me, when I'm on travel, to accuse me of the worst things. He believes that he has proof of my infidelity and flirtations. For example, he refuses to go back to one of my favorite restaurants because he thinks that I flirted with one of the waiters in front of him. He says the fact that the waiter filled my glass with water and not his is proof. He also says that he knows I'm "lusting" after someone if he sees me bite my bottom lip. He once accused me of looking at the preacher's crotch during church. Lately, he has been accusing me of dressing to impress men at work whenever I put on a "power suit" or take extra care with my make-up. He is suspicious if I take an 1.5 hr. lunch brake and insists that I lie about all the meetings I have to attend.

The issue is that this behavior is not constant but it does happen at least once a month and when it does happen he says the most hurtful things to me. It hurts that he is always questioning my integrity. He is not physically abusive and is a good father, but I'm at a loss about what to do. I also find that his "episodes" of insane jealously seem to be triggered by anything. If I\'m too tired to make love, he accuses me of wanting someone else. If I forget to tell him that he is a "good husband" or "good father" on father's day, then he gets into a jealous rage and begins accusing me.

Any advice is helpful.

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